What's on TV?

Consciousness Exploration Journal

12/9/2012

I woke up at 6am and settled into meditation around 6:15. I tried to let my thoughts and impressions flow organically. I saw an image of a white room. In the corner of the room was a white couch. The idea came to me that I was in a library and could choose any book. I had the thought that I would just need to push my finger on an invisible button on the wall and a data file (a book-sized hard-drive device) would come out. I was not out of body at this point but catching glimpses of images and impression (something similar to remote viewing). So, while I had flashes of feeling like I was there, it certainly was not a full blown OBE or lucid dream. I had the idea that I could just insert the hard drive anywhere into the wall of the room to experience the data. I wasn’t sure what “data” I wanted to explore, so I just opted for a random event from my childhood. I visualized myself inserting the hard drive into the wall. I waited a bit, but no impressions or thoughts came. Eventually, I had the notion that I should sink deeper into meditation and just notice whatever came along. I wasn’t seeming to have much luck, so I sent out an intent to receive some guidance. I got back (or invented) that I should just go to sleep and let “them” do the work. 

I woke up a short time later to sleep paralysis. I heard a voice saying, “heeeelp meeee.” At first I thought that I should see who needed help, but then realized that I was likely hearing my own thoughts. There was a very loud ringing and various other strange sensations. I just pressed on with courage. I sent out an intent to receive help or guidance. I eventually shifted back to being fully focused in physical reality, but was able to easily slip back into sleep paralysis. I began to ever so gently think about being “out of body.” I had the vague impression (sensation?) that somebody reached down with their arm to help me up. Once “out,” I found myself in my bedroom. I walked (floated) through the bathroom. Things were foggy at first, but I mentally encouraged the scene to become more clear. Wanting to keep things stable, I began rubbing my hands together (a trick that I have read or heard about somewhere along the lines).  

As I went through the bathroom, I  caught a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror. I had the general shape of a humanoid, but was composed of a shadowy blackness and had no specific features. I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, which seemed strange to me. I didn’t want to stop and spend too much time on it, so I continued out into the living room. I tried to think of something that I could do or observe that might provide some form of verification later. I decided to try and observe what my wife was doing. I could hear her walking around. It was a very distant and muffled sound and I was having trouble pinpointing her location. I called out her name, but still could not find her. I got the impression that she was watching TV. I “thought-jumped” (instantly moved) to the TV. I was very focused on observing it and listening to it. It was an old style TV - the kind that sits on the floor and is incased in wood. I saw a black and white cartoon-like image of sorts, but the details were non-specific. I could hear two of the characters talking back and forth. My impression was that one of them had a sort of fast and squeaky voice. Alvin, from Alvin and the chipmunks, came to mind. I observed the TV for a short time until I felt like I had enough data.  

Later that morning, I found out that my wife had in fact been watching TV. However, her description of what was on the TV did not seem to match what I had seen. My family did have an old TV similar to the one in the experience. I had completely forgotten about the library and my intention to see a childhood memory. Perhaps I was getting a blend of what my wife was doing and the data from my childhood - or maybe it was just all in my head. It is never easy to tell.

I Think, I See

Consciousness Exploration Journal

11/1/2012

It started as a typical dream. I was sitting around and talking with some people. The topic was about how amazing “all-that-is,” the system, etc is. I was trying to express how powerful the feeling was to even think of it. I felt an immense surge of joyful sadness and saddening joy building inside of me as I tried to speak. It was completely overwhelming. I remember having to lay down. 

At some point later, I woke up in my bed and had the intuitive sense that I could encourage sleep paralysis. As I did, I began to hear the strange voice again. It was, as usual, broken up and garbled. This time, it was a very deep and powerful voice - a stereotypical demon sound. I let go of the fear that started to rise and just remembered my intent to only interact with loving beings who intended to help and guide me. The voice came through a bit better and I understood it to say something like, “it is very good to be with you again.” I thought/said back that it was also good to be with them. My excitement at what was happening started to make the state fade. I was able to get the state back, and could hear a seemingly different garbled voice. With this voice, I could hear laughter in the background. I had the thought that the laugh sounded like my own. I kept trying, but was unable to distinguish anything of value. I faded in and out of the state several times. When I was fully in the state again, I decided to try and “leave my body”. Intending not to try so hard, I gently rose up to an upright position. I stayed very calm and casual. I knew that trying to “see” had failed in the past many times - so I went with pure thought instead. Ignoring the idea of vision, I just focused on wanting to be in my bathroom facing the shower doors. Slowly -- I found myself standing at the doors. I rattled them with my hands. Things were a bit fuzzy, but the approach had worked. Apparently it has nothing to do with seeing, but much more to do with thought and intent. It seems that to create a clear and crisp visual experience, it is better to think less about trying to see more clearly and more about trying to think more clearly. 

Tom Campbell NYC MBT Master Workshop 5/5

For those that have any desire to explore (or to continue to explore) consciousness (via lucid dreams, meditation, OBE, astral projection, et all). This video should be a prerequisite and should be re-watched along the way. 

Another World

This particular dream is from a few years ago. It is what I would consider to be a guided experience. In these cases, the level of awareness is more than that of a typical dream, but not as clear as in a full blown lucid dream or out-of-body experience. It has stuck with me and my memory of the experience is very clear. 

I suddenly found myself in a strange world. I had the immediate thought that I was there to see that world. The beings were somewhat human like, but had slightly different features. They very closely resembled the characters in the movie Avatar. I began wondering around the area that I was in. It was a very clear and clean environment. There were various organic shaped buildings that blended nicely into the landscape. The majority of the structures faced the ocean. It was clear that the ocean and beach were an integral part of the culture. There was a sense of respect for the ocean similar to what many Native Americans have displayed toward the earth. 

The water seemed more viscous that one might normally see. The waves rose extremely high (30ft at times). These large waves were no more than 30ft from the shoreline, but they always settled gently before hitting the shore. 

At one point, there was a sense of some daily ritual approaching. The people were making the various, routine arrangements. I realized that this ritual had to do with the rising of the tide. I quickly noticed that I was walking in a dry channel that would soon be full of water. Others in the channel were exiting for higher ground. There was no sense of rush or hurry; It was just a daily routine. I, on the other hand was slightly rushed to find a way out. As I was making my way out, one of the people/beings spotted me from the upper edge of the channel. He was a younger male (comparable to a 21 year old man perhaps). He somehow knew that I was an outsider. I did not get the impression that he was any type of security or police, but more like a rebel with strong opinions about outsiders. He was saying something along the lines of, “you are not welcome! You cannot be here!” etc. I tried to show him that I meant no harm and wasn't even sure where I was or why I was there. He did not budge and eventually shot some sort of dart at me. It missed and stuck in the sand near my foot. As I bent down to pick it up, he jumped from the ledge onto my back. He started trying to get the dart from me. As we were struggling for the dart, I noticed some drips of blood on my hand. Apparently the dart had stuck him in one of his fingers. He slumped to his knees in the sand. I got away and started backing down the channel. I wondered what the dart was... poison? Would he die? I looked back at him; he seemed hazy and blurry now. I could tell that the water was coming and I had to leave the channel. I was concerned for him, but at the same time, there was a sense that no harm was actually done. 

I made my way out of the channel and back to where the people were. Most of the people were sitting in various locations looking out toward the ocean - similar to how people might gather to watch the sunset at the beach. They were not watching a sunset though. Swimming in the giant waves and throughout the water were 100's of dolphins. At times they looked like dolphins, sometimes like whales, and other times like sharks. The more I tried to focus on the details of one of the animals the more it was apt to change. At one point, as I tried to make out the details of one of the animals, it turned into a giant inflatable Shamu toy. At that point, I had the thought that I was goofing up the interpretation of what the animals actually were. I noticed an older man/being sitting on a small sandy hill. It was clear that he was enjoying the event and that he had seen it many times in his life. I sat next to him and watched with him. I remembered being amazed by both the size of the waves and the motion of the animals swimming through the thick, blue water. I wanted to know what the animals were called. In an attempt to remain inconspicuous, I asked the man, "what are they called again?" He responded politely with a name that I did not recognize (and can't remember). 

Later in the experience I was inside of a large room. It seemed to be some sort of lobby for a dining or gathering area. Apparently, I was too early. A security guard approached me asking me who I was and why I was there. He was not threatening, but very intent on finding out who I was. I tried to play it off to some degree while still maintaining honesty. "I'm very confused, I'm not sure why I am here or what is going on". Several people came over by us. They seemed to understand how to help me. They took me to a courtyard outside of the lobby (none of the buildings had any doors or windows. They were all very organic looking and open to the outside). They said something along the lines of, "you need something to eat." They stood me in front of what looked like a honeysuckle bush. Unsure of what to do, I stood there for a moment. Then I noticed a little girl standing at a nearby bush. She started going from flower to flower sucking on them. I looked at the people as if to say, "I should do that?" They nodded. I sucked on one of the flowers. Out came a small bit of a sweet tasting juice (similar to honey). I sampled several different flowers. I was getting very excited to try more, but realized that I did not want to be rude and take more than I needed. 

The experience ended and I found myself back in bed, waking up.

Getting to Know Myself

I have been focusing a bit more on utilizing phasing techniques during meditation to explore consciousness. The results have been interesting. 

Consciousness Exploration Journal

7/25/2012

I intentionally woke up at 5:30am to attempt to do some exploring. I read for a bit and then began meditating at 6:15am. I slipped into a typical dream until around 7:30am.  After waking, I again began to meditate with the hopes of utilizing a phasing technique. I slipped into a deep meditative state easily since my body was already very relaxed. I lost awareness of my physical senses and began to get the typical sensations related to sleep paralysis. Though I was fully aware, my thought process was a bit sluggish and it took some effort to remember what my plan was. After a few moments, I recalled that I had simply wanted to experiment with that state. I began to use the “noticing” technique. This approach involves getting into a deep meditative state (point consciousness, focus 12, etc) and then gently noticing anything that begins to occur (without being attached to it). It is to be a calm and objective observer of the experience. After a short time, I began to feel vibrations and to hear various sounds. Eventually however, I “clicked out” or fell asleep.  

At some point later, I became fully aware and present. I found myself flying low over a street. I was traveling very fast - too fast to take in any details of my surroundings. I got the impression that I was being led to something. I understood that I could stop the process at any time, but otherwise, I should just let things unfold. I passed over a beach and continued out over the ocean. I briefly started to travel in the water, but I did not like the darkness very much, and so came back out. I began flying straight up. The sky was covered with storm clouds. In the clouds, I could see a round pattern of lights. My first thought was that it looked like a UFO. I wondered if I was being led to the lights, which at first had me feeling a bit uneasy. I decided to let go of any fear and just allow the experience to unfold. I zoomed past the location of the lights and was pulled up until the clouds were no longer visible and I was surrounded by a thick darkness. I had the sensation of being very far away - comparable to floating in outer space. What happened next is too foggy to recall.

Later, I became slightly aware of my body laying in bed and could hear my wife getting ready in the bathroom. As I picked up on these morning noises, my body was violently vibrating and I could hear what sounded like a voice trying to get through a radio with poor reception. I mentally sent out a “hello?” To my surprise, I immediately heard a reply back, “hello.” There was so much input going on that I found it difficult to focus on the voice. I was taking in the input from the actual room that I was in - complete with the sounds of my wife getting ready and my dog’s nails tapping along the wood floor. At the same time, I was experiencing intense vibrations. There was an almost unbearable buzzing and shrieking sound coming through with the voice. The more I focused on one element, the more intense that element seemed to become. 

The voice continued to come through, though it was very difficult to make out. However, at one point it came through very clearly. I got the impression that this one thing was important for me to remember. Like many other experiences, the information came through in a chunk - yet at the same time, there was an actual voice. It is not easy to describe. The information that came through was something very close to this: “Get to know your true self.”  

I tried to focus on the voice more, but the experience eventually faded. I have an idea of where to explore next - my “true self.” 

Good Vibrations

Consciousness Exploration Journal

6/26/2012

I woke up at 3:30am to let my dog outside. I read until 4:30am. After getting tired, I set my intent to do some exploring. I repeated my affirmation several times and sent out a general request to have an experience that would help support my growth. I repeated this several times until my sleepy mind began to mix it up. I re-focused and stated my intent and request again. I held my intent and focus by means of a mantra and by repeating a simple visualization. I began to feel the swaying motion -  like paper on waves or grass in the wind. I eventually slipped into a vibrational state. I moved in and out of the state several times. I was surprised at how easy it seemed to get the vibrations to restart. I caught my thoughts starting to drift toward fear - fear of the unknown, of sleep paralysis, etc. I let it go and just tried to enjoy the vibrations. I had just re-read in Far Journeys how Bob Monroe had experienced the vibrational state as a child and how moving it was for him. I realized that I might as well enjoy it too. So I just tried to relax and experience it. When I focused on the sensations, I realized that it did feel pretty amazing - like being surged with energy. It crossed my mind that the lesson was that I can move in and out of the state at will - with the right frame of mind. 

A Little Girl and a Wolfpack

Consciousness Exploration Journal

6/24/2012

I became lucid in a dream. I was in a bustling hallway of a school. I began trying to ask if there was anybody around that could provide some guidance. Several of the people faded in and out as I tried to speak to them. Eventually, a woman led me into a room and to a round table. 7 - 8 people were already sitting around it. I said out loud to the table, “I am looking for some help with my spiritual growth.” I began to get the impression that nobody at the table was really all that interested. It was a group meeting for some other purpose. One girl across from me began to carry on about something. I could not make out the details, but I got the impression that she was becoming aggressive toward me. Soon she was leaning closer and yelling in my face. I had the idea that she was like a bomb that was about to explode. I decided that it was a little too threatening. I puffed up with a deep rumbling voice and said, “be gone!” She instantly vanished from the table. I started to realize that I wasn’t going to get much direct guidance from the group. The person to the left of me suddenly took on the appearance of a small girl. She looked at me and said, “I’m scared.” Hearing her say that made me realize that I was being pretty selfish - always zipping around and asking everybody for guidance and help. I had never stopped to think that I could possibly be helpful to somebody. I focused my attention on helping the girl. The scene shifted. The girl and I were sitting in a car behind some building. It was night. She was sitting in the passenger seat and still a bit unsettled. I was doing my best to put her at ease and assure her that I would keep her safe. I got out of the driver seat to get some snacks out of the back for her. As I got back in, I caught myself feeling a bit nervous because it was so dark outside. I realized that it didn’t make much sense to lock the doors, but I did anyway. As I continued to try and keep her at ease, I felt myself shifting back to my sleeping body. 

I tried to muster up the energy to turn on my light and write down the experience, but began slipping into a vibrational state. I braced for sleep paralysis. The sensations began to build. As the intensity grew, I heard my wife’s voice. With mild confusion and slight concern, she said, “what is going on?” I was doubtful that she actually said anything, but brought myself out of the state to check. She was sound asleep next to me, so I encouraged the state to return. I began to gently float upward. I felt as though I was floating slightly above my body and swaying in the breeze. I felt a bit stuck - unable to get any further. I tried several things to keep the process going, but nothing seemed to be working. I was just stuck. I caught myself actually whimpering as the state progressed. I realized how silly I was being. I decided that whatever was going to happen - no matter how scary or bad - was fine. I would accept it. At that, I transitioned to standing in my bedroom. I jumped up with excitement and flew through the ceiling. I got slightly hung up as I tried to pass through the roof. knowing that I was not actually stuck in the roof and that the room itself was likely a projection of my expectations, I let go of it all. I found myself in a black void. Not wasting any time, I set my intent to create and appear within my grassy field (one that I have used in various visualization techniques). Slowly, the field appeared below me and I floated down into it. It was night time and the field was not exactly right, but it seemed to be a good first try. I did my best to make it daytime and for the scene to look more accurate. It helped only slightly, so I eventually gave up my efforts. Still feeling fairly excited to have had a successful transition, I began running at full speed in a large circle around the field. After several laps, I remembered that I did not want to waste the experience. I circled a few more times and then gathered my focus. I expressed my intent to receive some form of guidance. The scene slightly shifted and I noticed another being entering the field. It was difficult to make out fully. My awareness shifted off to the side of the field near a dirt driveway and several small barns. A shadowy, animal-like figure passed by. Then a few more. And then more. 40 or more of these animal beings must have ran by. As more passed, I began to see them as very large black dogs or wolves. I was not overly frightened, though they did have a intimidating and beastly appearance. I was not sure what to make of it all and could not understand the purpose of the event (if any). I did not have the gumption left to tackle whatever this experience had in store for me, so I decided to call it quits and wake up. 

Consciousness Art - "Conscious"

This painting was inspired by a series of tests that I carried out in the lucid dream/out-of-body state to test the "realness" of the experience.

Conscious
Oil on Canvas
4' X 6'

The Help Needs Help

Consciousness Exploration Journal

4/13/12

I was having an extensive dream about being in a yoga class. After the class, I walked out to my car to leave. It was a very small parking lot, but I could not seem to find my car. I pushed the alarm button on the keychain. Several cars (that were not mine) beeped and chirped. After some confusion, I eventually realized that I was dreaming. The first thought that entered my mind was that I wanted to go explore someplace where I could learn something. At that thought, I immediately began to float. I traveled higher and higher until everything began to get dark. I had the impression that I was now lying down in a dark void. With little control, and unsure of what was going to happen, I expressed a simple request to whoever might be there: “keep me safe please.” In hindsight, it was a bit silly; but at that moment, it felt valid. After a short bit, I decided to say (express) a request, “could I receive some guidance please?”. I began to hear what sounded like a broken radio transmission. It slowly became more clear and I heard a female voice reply, “yes”. A few seconds passed and then the voice came through again and said, “yes, but we are not very good at it right now”. Thinking that the voice was referring to a lack of experience in providing guidance, I playfully said, “well that’s not a good thing!” It could of course have meant that “they” are not good at communicating in that specific way. 

I should note... if I would have come across some of these stories years ago, I would have thought that the person who wrote them should probably seek some professional help, or that they had an over-active imagination. However, experience trumps intellectual analysis. Thinking about what is really going on in these experiences is of course much different than actually experiencing them first hand. It would be a mistake for me to take the experience and try to fit it into some pre-existing category. There would be no point. There is a great deal of uncertainty around such things. Each small step forward might bring some bit of understanding or clarity, but uncertainty will still prevail. The best we can do is to move forward based on what we find to be most probable. Of course, what we find to be most probable is often tainted by our fears, ego, and beliefs. So, in-line with the advice of Tom Campbell, we must remain open-minded about everything as well as skeptical about everything... and live gracefully with uncertainty along the way. 

Short Lived

Consciousness Exploration Journal

4/1/12

Woke up in sleep paralysis. Typical noises and sensations were present. Eventually, I floated up into darkness and began spinning (not by choice). I tried to “see” the setting around me. I could only briefly make out what looked liked two purple eyes watching me as I spun around in the darkness. After some time, I ended up back in sleep paralysis. I was laying in bed somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. I could “see” a strange version of my bedroom. The oval mirror in the corner looked like the head of person. I said inquisitively (in my mind), “who is that?” Eventually, I opened my eyes and realized that it was the mirror. 

4/7/12

Woke up at 6:30 and went back to bed at 7:10. I set my intent to have an OBE. Some time later, I found myself standing on a freeway. My awareness shifted back to my bedroom and I began floating up above my bed. Around me, I could see a foggy vision of the bedroom. I celebrated briefly and stated, “grassy field now!”. My intent was to move to a location that I had previously created in my mind. Unfortunately, the experience ended before anything else happened.

Scholarly Kitten

Consciousness Exploration Journal

3/29/2012

I had woken up to around 2am to let our dog out. As I was falling back to sleep, I set my intent to project. 

I was in the middle of a dream that had been going on for a while. It was nighttime and I was in a large tent with two open sides. Beyond the two covered sides of the tent was a thick, dark forest. Beyond the two open sides of the tent were various large structures that resembled something along the lines of Greek or Roman architecture. I had the thought that the woods would be a challenging place to venture into and that the closed sides of the tent were protecting me from making that choice. I considered venturing into the woods anyway to create a potential learning opportunity, but decided against it. Instead, I walked out toward one of the buildings. As I did, a large elk jumped out of a bush and darted away. Shortly after, as I was recovering from being startled by the elk, an orange cat ran into the scene. He was panicked, crouching low to the ground, and with ears laid back. Then two more orange cats arrived in the same state. Then three black/gray cats arrived. The bizarreness of the the scene caused me to become fully lucid. Immediately I had the sensation of what I would call a pre-OBE state. I became partly aware of my body laying in the bed while still taking in the cat scene. I tried to relax into the state shift. As I did, I began floating into a horizontal position and then slowly down to the ground near the cats. The cats seemed to be watching me. I was a bit nervous (unnecessarily so) that the cats might attack me. I let go of that fear and continued to let the state change lead the way. I began to zoom through thick darkness.  I could hear the air whipping by my ears. It was very exciting. I repeated to myself, “Be fearless. Be fearless. Be fearless.” Suddenly, something banged into my knee. It jolted me from the experience and I found myself back in my bed. My wife was rolling over next me. I’m not sure if I actually bumped into something in the experience or if my wife kicked my knee in bed. Either way, it startled me and ended the journey. 

Later in the night during another dream, I was outside getting something from my truck. It was raining, and I was rushing to get back inside. As I approached the door to my studio, I saw a small gray/black cat soaked with rain. I opened the door and encouraged him to come inside the studio with me. He hesitated, but eventually came it. I picked him up and started drying him off with a towel. As I did, he began biting my finger. I felt slight pain, but knew that it would stop hurting if I ignored it - so I did. Still holding the cat, I walked over to a mirror. I was slightly lucid up to this point, but the crystal clear reflection caused me to snap into full awareness. I was amazed at how crisp and clear the reflection was. I had the thought that I could cause the reflection to morph if I wanted. Instantly my face began to shift and change throughout various caricature-like versions. Now in a playful mood, I looked at the cat and asked him to talk. He turned his head like a defiant child and said, “no!” Then, as if reconsidering, he looked at me in the mirror and said, “well, I could recite some poetry if you like.” I got the sense that he was willing to play along and have some fun. On the desk next to us was a small book of poetry. I grabbed it and began searching the pages for something fitting to have the cat read. As I was trying to make out the words on the pages, I had the sense that there was a message for me in the words. I “read” (more like heard) a few lines of a poem. I heard it clearly and found it to be very profound and useful. It was complex though and took some effort to understand. All I can recall is that the first line had something to do with keeping life simple. I tried to decipher more of the message, but the experience faded. In hindsight, I should have repeated it back several times which has helped with recall in the past. 

Rocky Mountain Flying

Consciousness Exploration Journal

2/20/12

I woke up in sleep paralysis. The sensations were mild, but I did hear some distant voices and felt slight vibrations. I didn’t pay much attention to any of it and just waited. I had the clear sensation of detaching from my body and floating upward. Having experienced this many times before, I just relaxed and waited. I began to get the usual disorienting sensations of spinning and rolling in the air. Though it was completely dark, I began to get the sense that I was floating toward the ceiling of some very large room. I had the thought that I could project something on the wall if I wanted. I realized that seeing the stars of the night’s sky would be a nice general technique to maintain the floating sensation. I intuitively knew at this point that I had control and could go about my way exploring. This is interesting because there is a clear and distinct difference in the way that the experience feels when this feeling of control occurs. Things begin to feel very natural and very vivid. Any fear or anxious anticipation fades. The best way to describe it is that I feel as though I am a more functional, aware, open, and able version of me (as if some of the limitations are not present). Another way to describe it is that I feel fresh and new like a bubbly and curious child. 

Having good control, I began to fly across the room. I could now see a set of giant doors that led outside. As I flew toward them with the intent to go beyond them, one of them opened for me. It is difficult to say if I willed it to open or if I simply knew it would open. Outside, the scenery was extremely crisp, vivid, and full of life. The surroundings reminded me of the various old mining towns in Colorado. There was a road in front of me. Cars leisurely traveled by in both directions. I had the notion that I could go right or left, but that either choice would lead to a different experience. I chose left and flew down the road passing over the various cars underneath. I set my intent to talk to the lady from the kitchen conversation. I began scanning the various drivers and pedestrians to see if anybody looked familiar. No luck. I waited for some sign or hint of where to go. A green car pulled off the road below me. I intuitively decided to pass it by. Perhaps a missed opportunity, but it seemed suspicious somehow. I continued flying down the road. It began to zig zag through the mountains and into a small town. I analyzed the various trees and buildings and became quite giddy at just how amazingly real it all felt. I had the sense that my giddiness could spiral out of control, so I gathered myself and continued on into the town. I came to what looked like a diner of sorts. It was very busy and was apparently the hang out for the locals. I flew lower to land on the street. One man noticed me and seemed to be very surprised to see somebody flying through the air. Nobody else at the diner seemed to notice or care. At this point, I had a light sensation that some small being or person was tagging along with me. Almost like a small child or dog. I caught myself saying things to this little presence out loud so that it knew what the plan was. I did not see anybody familiar at the diner so I decided to go into the neighboring building to look around. I eventually found a room that, for whatever reason, seemed like the place that I was suppose to wait. The room was laid out like a children’s waiting room - with a few small chairs and some toys and books. I began to sit down and wait, but realized that the chairs were far too small for me. Eventually I shrunk down... or in some other way fit into a chair. The moment that I set back and relaxed, the experience began to fade. Eventually I opened my eyes and grabbed my journal. 

Considering past experiences, it seems that when I stop fully engaging the experience, it fades. This would explain the various techniques that I have read about to maintain lucid dreams and out-of-body experiences such as rubbing your hands together or spinning. It may simply be a matter of maintaining one’s focus on events and elements within the experience. So, similar to drifting off into a daydream in waking life and essentially becoming unaware of the world around us, loosing focus (such as relaxing in a chair) in these other experiences might cause the reality of the experience to fade. 

Morning OBE

Consciousness Exploration Journal

2/5/12

I woke up at 6am to let the dog out. I laid in bed until 7am trying to go back to sleep. I set my intent to have a lucid dream/ OBE. I slowly drifted off and became aware in sleep paralysis. The typical sensations were present. At first, I heard a male’s voice saying something in my ear. I also heard the growling voice again. I didn’t fall for it this time though. I sat up out of my body, but could not seem to fully detach. I gave up and settled back into sleep paralysis. The sensations were slightly more intense this time. I resolved to stay with it no matter what. I set my intent to see or converse with the lady from the kitchen experience. I began to hear what sounded like a faint female voice. I had the impression that somebody was holding me and singing or humming to me (like a mother would hold a baby). For some reason, I began to get an intense dull pain in my lower back. I tried to ignore it and continued to focus on trying to converse with the woman again. As usual, it was completely dark as if my eyes were shut. This has never made any sense to me - why it is always completely dark. I normally have both auditory and tactile sensations, but never any visual. I realized that I was intentionally closing my eyes to avoid causing myself to wake up. It struck me that I should try to visualize something to kick in my “astral” vision. I started trying to picture a blender (random, I know). It worked. For a few seconds I found myself standing in a room. At the same time, I had started to open up my physical eyes and could see a blurry vision of the bedroom ceiling. I closed them and tried the visualization trick again. I gently tried to visualize the mystery room again. It worked. Suddenly, I was standing in my bathroom (astral bathroom). Everything was crystal clear. I was quite excited and ran around the house in celebration. When I came into the living room, I saw a mirror (one that is not normally there). I stopped running and stood in front of it. In it was a clear reflection of myself. I celebrated briefly at being in such a clear experience. I gathered myself, and thought about what task or test I wanted to perform. The first thing that came to my mind was that I should send some love and happiness to my wife and kids. Then, I realized that I should go to each of the rooms and do it in person. I went to my daughter’s room first. She was lying at the bottom of the bed and partly hanging off. I slid her up so that she was fully on the bed again. She slightly opened her eyes and acknowledged me with a smile. I started wondering if she might be dreaming about me at that moment, or maybe just thinking of me. I thought about this for sometime. The experience began to fade and I woke up and wrote it down. 

It would appear that I passed the growling fear test this time. I regret not spending some time at the mirror. The fact that it was aimed so that I would run into it makes me wonder if there was some relevance or importance to it. 

Dream Interviews, and a Resurrection

Consciousness Exploration Journal

1/25/12

I was riding in an elevator that was headed to a loft apartment. I stepped off the elevator and entered a large kitchen. Some sort of casual dinner party was at the cusp of beginning. As I walked into the scene, I inexplicably became fully lucid. I approached a  tall man in his 50’s to strike up a conversation. I kept trying to get his attention, but each time that I tried to address him face-to-face his head would turn so that I could only see the back of his head. He also appeared to be very busy, so I eventually gave up and moved on to another person. 

I noticed a small group of people engaged in what appeared to be an interesting conversation. I eventually worked my way into the group and found an opportunity to ask one of the men what he thought about the process of dreaming. He seemed to become very confused by the question, as if he had only ever considered the topic in passing. He tried very hard to formulate a coherent response, but seemed to become more and more disoriented as a result. I eventually got the impression that he didn’t think too much about dreaming and didn’t find it to be all that special. 

I moved on to a woman in the same group. I asked her what she thought about the process of dreaming. Her response turned into an mild argument with the previous man. Apparently she found dreams to be quite relevant while he did not. They countered back and forth like a couple going through the motions of a disagreement that has been played out many times before. I lost her attention and so decided to move on.

As I scanned the room, I noticed that an elevator was arriving. Inside was a family of 5. The mother was lying on the floor and was unresponsive. Her three young girls were circled around her. The father was slumped into the corner with his chin to his chest apparently mourning the loss of his wife. The scene was reminiscent of a narrative painting from the Italian Renaissance. As I watched the scene, one of the little girls said, “poor mommy.” I lightheartedly thought to myself (or perhaps it was out loud), “not to worry. This is my dream. I will bring her back to life.” I walked over to the woman and raised my hand over her body to signify my intention. The woman slowly came around and while somewhat still disoriented said, “I must have fallen asleep.” In almost comical fashion, the husband and children were instantly back to normal. They shuffled off to join the party, leaving the mother alone in the elevator. The woman casually thanked me. I explained that she could return the favor by letting me ask her a few questions. She become very flirtatious at this, as if she had misunderstood my request. I redirected her to my question, “what do you think about the process of dreaming?” As she started to answer, I suddenly found myself soaring over a larger body of water and toward a bridge. I felt very much like a bird gliding through the air. The new scene and the various sensations were very crisp and vivid. The woman’s voice boomed across the sky. The words were clear and strong, yet I couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. I had a hunch that the dream was about to end. I decided to wake myself up before slipping back into unawareness and forgetting the vividness of the experience. 

I regret not having asked a more meaningful question.

Sleep Paralysis, Fear, and the Voice.

Consciousness Exploration Journal

1/11/12

I woke from a dream and found myself in full sleep paralysis. I was getting slight sensory input from the actual room in which I was sleeping and also from the sleep/dream state. I tried to maintain my composure and relax into the sleep paralysis. I felt a shift and had the very real sensation of being turned onto my side with my feet floating well above where the bed would be. My head seemed to be anchored to the location of my actual head on the pillow. A forceful wind began rushing passed me. My tilted and sideways body began flapping like a flag in a storm. Many of the other typical sensations were present: voices, chatter, buzzing, etc. One of the voices sounded very similar to that of Bob Monroe (as he sounds on the various hemi-sync audio files). I focused on what he was saying, but could only pull out bits and pieces. I eventually could make out something along the lines of, “I will let go and see what happens, even if I might die... even if I might die”. I was a bit surprised and curious about this statement, but at the same time found it very fitting. I tried to remember what task or test I had planned to carry out, but was too distracted by the breadth and intensity of the various sensations.  The sensations of my body in the waking world were still present, but only slightly so. I could hear the nails of my dog’s paws taping across the floor as she approached the side of the bed to be let outside. The sound was distant and muffled though, like a fading memory. A seemingly random question entered my mind: “what lessons should I be learning from this life?” The sensations grew to a violent intensity. My awareness of the waking world quickly faded. I figuratively gritted my teeth and braced for impact. Suddenly, and as clear as if somebody was standing a foot from my ear, I heard a voice say, “aaaahhhhhhhhhhh” as if the voice was doing a comical imitation of somebody riding on a roller coaster. There was such a strong feeling that the sound was directed specifically at me by an outside observer that I began working to stop the experience. Slowly, I was able to wiggle a toe and then a finger and eventually wake up. 

I had a similar experience several weeks ago. I woke up in sleep paralysis and was experiencing the usual sensations. I mustered up some courage and just tried to relax into it. On this occasion, I heard the same voice as in the above experience. However, this particular time it made a silly and almost comical growl (similar to the way that I might growl as I am playing with my kids). It also gave me a bit of a scare and caused me to stop the experience. It is interesting that the voice in both of these experiences sounds like my own. 

Though I have experienced sleep paralysis well over 100 times, the intensity and extent of the various sensations still takes me by surprise. There is no doubt that sleep paralysis can serve as a gateway to the stereotypical out-of-body experience (at least for me). In most every case, when I encourage the sleep paralysis state further, there is, at some point, the clear sensation of detaching from my sleeping body or connecting to a new reality while still maintaining full awareness. The sensation is as real and as crisp as the sensation of sitting in this chair and typing on a keyboard. The experiences that occur after these separations vary. Some have lead to profound and life-changing experiences. In others, I just float up into a thick darkness and am unable to use my mental intent to effect or alter the experience. 

The voice has sent me running away with my tail between my legs twice. I'll see what I can do next time.

Tom Campbell’s discussion of fear in the video below has helped me a great deal in relation to sleep paralysis (you can skip the intro and start the video at 50 seconds). Courage truly is the only effective antidote for fear. It seems that the more I dig and explore who I am, the more fear and ego I dig up. I have let go of the notion that perfection is the goal. The goal, as I see it, is to maintain a steady state of evolution toward love.