Present!

I was eating dinner with my wife recently and thinking about my lucid dream tests and the idea that only consciousness is fundamental. I started getting a strange feeling of existing… of being here, but without the “here.” A detachment from reality I suppose you could say. It made me feel giddy like a child; as if somebody had whispered the secret of the universe in my ear.

During this feeling, a quote that I recently heard from one of Tom Campbell’s interviews popped into my head:

"What’s the purpose of life? Well, the purpose of existence is to grow up, to become love… get ride of your fear and ego. That’s the purpose. That’s why we’re here and this is our schoolhouse. How do you go about doing that? You do it with your intent. You make choices. You have 1,000 choices to make every day, and particularly I’m talking about the choices you have with interactions with other people. You can make those choices in a way that helps you evolve, moves you toward love, lowers your entropy… increases the value of your information; or you can make choices that can go in the other way… de-evolve, they go the way of fear, go the way of self centeredness, ego. Those things de-evolve you and increase your entropy. So, we get these choices and we get feedback immediately. If we have a fear based life, we generally get kind of unhappy, we’re not too pleased, life is difficult and unpleasant. So that’s the feedback trying to tell you wake up and go the other direction."

-Tom Campbell

My wife must have thought that I had lost my mind. Something huge clicked for me... very huge. My surroundings suddenly felt very distant and artificial and "I" felt very real. This idea of “now”... the present moment... came to my mind. This is difficult to put into words that will accurately express the understanding that followed, but what Tom said above hit me like a train: "You have 1,000 choices to make every day." I had been rambling on about all of this to my wife when it hit me. "It is right now!" I said with surprise. "I am doing it right now!" My wife responded with an appropriate blank stare. Somehow, I touched the truth that existing at that moment and making choices is IT. That is what it is all about... the choices that I make right now. Previously I had this idea that at some point in the future, I would be making these big choices... that I would grow into a state from where I could really start making more love based choices. My error was in thinking that this growth would mainly happen "over there" when I reached "that state" and at "that" future time. Suddenly though, as I sat eating dinner, I actually got it... tasted it. It is right now! Every now... constant, always. Everything counts. "I" am what matters... "I" as a part of the whole. The rest is just an environment in which to make choices alongside other beings that are also making choices.

An analogy: It was like I had been answering some questions on paper. I was going through the motions of answering these questions. I knew that I would be given a test at some point and that the test was very important. Once I organized some of this information, then I could really do well on the test. I was smart to prepare. When somebody brought me the test, I would be ready. So I continued on with this "time of preparation" so that I could be ready. Then suddenly, somebody comes by and whispers in my ear, "You are already taking the test. That is the test on your desk." I look at the person in amazement. The person smiles, winks, and moves on.

Every choice we make at every moment affects the whole. It does not matter if this reality that we exist in is real or virtual. It does not matter if you are in a dream or some other state. Every choice that you make as a conscious being is relevant and affects the whole. Is the choice based on fear or love, self or other? It is the intent that matters.

It is Not Mine

I look at my body

And realize, it is not me

It is mine.

I listen to the rambling

Thoughts within my head

And realize, they are not mine

They are my brain's.

I feel the loving sensation

Deep within my existence

And realize, it is not mine

It is me.

Dr Quantum - Double Slit Experiment

Double Slit Experiment... made easy

Only Consciousness is Fundamental – aha!

I have had a good number of lucid dreams and out of body experiences over the last 20 years. These experiences have varied. Some short, some long, some dull, some amazing, etc. I realized something though about a month ago. I had never stopped during any of these experiences to test the realness of it. Sure, they have been very vivid and amazing, but I had never stopped inside of a lucid dream and pondered or tested just how real it was. So, I set my intent to perform a realness test during my next experiences. Fortunately, I had a span of three in one week to do this.

I will spare the details of the full dreams for the sake of time.

In the first experience, I was (at the time) following around an Asian man. He kept leading me through tunnels and stairwells. I was trying to get him to tell me what he was going to show me or tell me, but he just grinned and kept motioning me to follow him. I remembered my intent of testing the realness of the dream. I stopped in one of the hallways that I was in. There was a random piece of foam hanging from the wall. I walked over to it to focus all of my attention on the piece of foam. I looked at it, touched it, deeply thought about the fact that I was touching it, etc. Then I thought about the fact that I was even doing this test and it hit me. I'm not exactly sure of what I said or thought, but it went something like, "Holly *bleep*! This is all real! Oh.. wow..." I was truly shocked. It was the fact that "I" (consciousness) was thinking about it and experiencing it that made it real. In the past, after waking up from a lucid dream, I would still carry some of the excitement and vividness back, but this time was different. The experience did not feel as distant and foggy. I was still in a state of amazement.


In the second experience, I was driving down a winding road. I was lucid, but withholding my excitement and just going with the dream. After a while the road turned into a hallway. I was no longer in a car, but was floating along. Four walls closed in around me (not in a scary way). Then it all stopped and I found myself in a room with green shag carpet. I waited a bit, but nothing changed or happened. I took this chance to test the realness. I bent down and ran my fingers through the carpet. I focused on how the carpet looked and felt. Again, I stopped to ponder the notion that I was present at that moment in a state that felt perfectly real. Again, I was amazed. I slowly got lost in looking at the texture of the carpet. I got closer and closer, until I felt like I was a spec of dust floating through the carpet. I began to feel vibrations. From past experiences, I knew that this meant that I was either waking up in sleep paralysis, or changing states. I tried to hold onto the dream, but it slowly slipped away and I found myself in my bed waking up. Like the first test, I woke up in absolute amazement at the level of realness that I had experienced.


The third test took place as I was flying down a road. The Asian man was back, this time he was in a car and racing me. I was lucid and remembered my intent to test the realness. I was flying in a seated position with my legs out in front of me (no car, just me). I looked down at my legs. They did not look like my normal legs, but they were real, they were mine. The road zipped by underneath me. I proceeded very calmly with my thoughts. I did not want any over-excitement to stop the dream. I looked up to the side of the road. I was passing a house. I looked at each detail of the setting very carefully; there was a truck parked out front, gravel in the yard, a chain link fence. I took it all in very carefully, almost daring it not to be real. I was fully existing... testing my surroundings, thinking about the fact that I was thinking about all of this. Again the shock and excitement hit me. At this, I zoomed down the road and exclaimed, "Take me to my guides!" (this was something that I was planning to explore next). The dreamscape began to literally fall apart and vanish. I found myself zooming through thick black nothingness. I admittedly thought to myself, "Oh *bleep*! It worked." I become a little over excited at this and quickly found myself back in my bed waking up.

It is clear that things are not the same in the dream state as in this current state (sitting at my desk). The rules seem to be much different. The level of realness however is the same. As I sit here and type, the only thing that I can truly prove is that I can think and that I can experience. I can say that the process of thinking and experiencing are real; they are a result of "me" existing. It is very interesting to me that this is also the case with lucid dreams and out-of-body experiences. The state and rules may change, but the realness does not. The fact that I exist remains constant in all states. The "realness" seems to be relative to me but not the state itself. This has really made the idea that only consciousness is fundamental make a great deal of sense. I understood the logic of it before, but now I get it. Just thinking about it makes me chuckle and say, "Wow."

Symphony of Science - We are All Connected

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Tom Campbell - Purpose of life

 

"What’s the purpose of life? Well, the purpose of existence is to grow up, to become love… get ride of your fear and ego. That’s the purpose. That’s why we’re here and this is our schoolhouse. How do you go about doing that? You do it with your intent. You make choices. You have 1,000 choices to make every day, and particularly I’m talking about the choices you have with interactions with other people. You can make those choices in a way that helps you evolve, moves you toward love, lowers your entropy… increases the value of your information; or you can make choices that can go in the other way… de-evolve, they go the way of fear, go the way of self centeredness, ego. Those things de-evolve you and increase your entropy. So, we get these choices and we get feedback immediately. If we have a fear based life, we generally get kind of unhappy, we’re not too pleased, life is difficult and unpleasant. So that’s the feedback trying to tell you wake up and go the other direction."

-Tom Campbell

Thomas Campbell on Bigfish Blogtalk radio September 29, 2010 with Kerrace Alexander
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bigfishrad ... r-workings
Above quote is from around 35 minutes into the interview (give or take a few minutes).

The Beacon

Light that shines in the distant haze,
Fading in and out, off and on,
A beacon upon which my mind does gaze,
Vanishing, but never gone.

It is neither true nor false,
Based not on fear, but hope,
A brilliant creation to counter loss,
That I live in love for growth.

Should it be that I am dim?
Am I the blinder of my own eyes?
The darkness is thick and heavy,
It is the weight that drives.

I will gladly die in vain,
Warmed by a cloak of courage,
Having lived a life the same,
And given truth to love’s false voyage.

He'll Leave the Light on for You.

Consciousness Exploration Journal

I was having an extensive dream in which I was part of a large convoy of sorts. It was as if an entire city was picking up and relocating. I was driving on the road with the convoy. Several cement trucks were near me. The road became a bit snowy and icy. I was driving too fast and kept loosing control of the truck. Eventually the road transformed into a sidewalk and I found myself alone and on foot. I continued to walk down the snow covered sidewalk. It grew darker as I went. I became a bit nervous and wanted more light. At that thought, a porch light at a house about 10 feet from me came on. There was a man on the porch of the house. We talked for a bit (though I can't remember about what).


At this point, the man was standing right in front of me. Trying to examine the details of his face made me realize that I was dreaming. I remember pointing my finger at him and saying, "Wait a minute, this is a dream." I felt a change in state coming as if the dream was slipping. "I am dreaming, but I am not going to get too excited. I'm going to stay calm," I stated out loud. I was saying all of this to the man as if I had busted him. Still I sensed a change in state coming. I tried to hold onto the dream, but it continued to slip away from me. The face of the man began to fall apart like a virtual reality suddenly shutting down. I remember the area around one of his eyes falling away like a broken digital sculpture. In the place of his eye was a dark void. Though this did not directly frighten me, I did realize that I should not just stand there and stare at it. At this thought, the man slowly floated around behind me as if he understood my concern. As he was moving out of my line of sight, I remember my intention, "I seek guidance with my evolution." I began to feel the typical buzzing and vibrations and could sense my physical body laying in my bed. During this shift, I saw several clocks with the hands spinning very quickly. I had the thought that as they were spinning, "physical" or "waking life" time was also passing very quickly. Something about 9:00am seemed important, but I was not able to decipher why.

This dream is interesting because it leaves me with a sense that I was being led to experience it. So though I was wagging my finger in victory at not being fooled, it seems likely that it all played out exactly as planned.